But who’s counting?

Last week an article posted on msn.com caught my attention: SmartMoney’s Daren Fonda divulged “10 secrets that millionaires keep.”

Being of a generous nature, here’s the list and my initial thoughts…

One: While non-millionaires may think that millionaires are rich, millionaires do not. (And one million dollars from 30 years ago is the same as $3.6 million today.) My thought: Does anyone ever feel they have enough money?

Two: Millionaires shop at Wal-Mart. My thought: The millionaires who shop at the Wal-Mart near my house must be seriously disguised.

Three: Yet they still indulge in steamy coffee drinks from Starbucks. (The article quotes that millionaires "make judicious use of debt” by “avoid[ing] high-interest credit card debt and leverage[ing] their home equity to finance purchases if their cash flow doesn't cut it.”) My thought: “Judicious use of debt?” Hunh.

Four: Millionaires utilize concierge services. (That’s how they get Brad Pitt-treatment at high-end businesses.) My thought: But they’re not Brad Pitt.

Five: They aren’t Mr. Nice Guys. My first thought: So? My second thought: So? Reportedly, nice guys finish last.

Six: Millionaires work the federal tax code to their benefit. My thought: Go figure.

Seven: They aren’t rocket scientists. (“The median college grade-point average for millionaires is 2.9.”) My thought: Bet they made 4.0s in partying, though.

Eight: Millionaires don’t buy big-ticket items; they rent them. (“Why blow $250,000 on a Ferrari when for $25,000 it can be yours for a few weekends a year?”) My thought: So you can own a Ferrari?

Nine: Money does, in fact, buy happiness. And health. And respect. ("People experience their day very differently when they have a lot of money," the article quotes.) My first thought: Well, duh. My second thought: Too bad they can’t just earn respect like the rest of us.

Ten: They don’t care about keeping up with the Joneses; their sites are set on the Trumps. ("What makes people happy isn't how much they're making. It's how much they're making relative to their peers.") My thought: I can hardly keep up with myself.

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Millionaires, shmillionaires! Just like how there’s always someone with more money than you, Forbes published its annual list of the 400 richest Americans this week. The, I mean, THE richest? Bill Gates, whose net worth is $57 billion. Warren Buffett is number two with $50 billion, and he is one of five who has been on the list all 27 years it’s been around.

All following figures are billions-with-a-B dollars. In fact, the entry fee, so to speak, to make the 400 is $1.3B. (I know. And I’m sorry you and your $1.2B didn’t make the cut this year. Neither did I.)

When relating the billionaires to the millionaires’ secrets from above, those Waltons, whose pockets are padded by all the millionaires shopping at Wal-Mart, hold places 4 through 7, 118 and 144 on the list. As for keeping up with the Joneses-- well, good luck! Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones ($1.4B) is 355 on the list. But even he isn’t keeping up with the Trumps: Donald Trump is 134th with $3B. And you know some of the 400 own a Ferrari. Or two. Plus a Lamborghini. Or two.

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By my count there are 39 Texas, and six Oklahoma, residents on the list.

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Which reminds me: Just as soon as my daughter’s Social Security card arrives (which will barely take longer than the time I spent applying for it at the SSA office), I’ve got to open a savings account for her!